Tuesday, June 14, 2011

My Identity Crisis

First and formeost, I am apologizing in advance. Today is one of those OMG someone feel bad for me days, ya know?

So, I'm attempting to gain weight. Keyword being attempting. This has been the goal since I walked off stage at my last show, being told yet again that I am too lean & too muscular for Figure. The NPC (as you may or may not know) had been discussing the new Women's Physique Division; this division is made for girls like me who are too muscular for Figure, but are not quite big enough for Women's Bodybuilding. That was my goal - to build myself up enough to do my first WPD show this fall.  And here I am...

This weekend will mark 11 weeks to the show I have chosen, and I'm stuck. I've gained weight, and am at my heaviest ever (114 compared to 110), but I am discouraged and very highly unmotivated.
Gaining weight may be the most difficult thing I've ever done - it may be harder than the cutting phase 2-3 weeks out from a show.
No, its not hard to gain weight.
Its hard to be happy while gaining weight.
In order to put on muscle, it is inevitable that you put on fat as well.  When the diet phase starts, and the fat is shedded, the newer (bigger) muscles are revealed. But in the meantime, this SUCKS.

I mean really, you saw my progress pictures from Saturday. Thats what I'm stuck with right now.
This is what I looked like 4 weeks out from my last show (late February of this year):
And this is what I looked like 2 weeks out (mid-March):

And this is what I need to look like in September:
Or at least be able to compete with..
Dana Linn Bailey - FIRST Women's Physique IFBB Pro.
LOVE her.

Ok, I think that's it for the venting for today..
Again, my apologies. I hate that whole "pity me, please" nonsense, but what can I say - I'm human, and female. It happens.

I promise a better post today, full of motivation and recipes, and workouts and other fun stuff.  Take this as my permission to skip this post completely.

1 comment:

  1. Ohhh myyyy goodnessss your abs are unreal! Everyone has moments like this! Though I doubt most people will say gaining weight is difficult. If I was trying to put on some pounds I would just eat cake haha. I know that wouldn't work for muscle growth though! Just love handle growth! I would die to do one of these shows. It's so hard for me to put muscle on though! Especially as a vegan. I tend to stay fairly small...maybe bikini? Someday!